Pets R Us

My house is starting to feel like real life “Tom & Jerry”. Not that we have a cheeky little mouse stealing cheese and outwitting our dumb tomcat, more so because the Dog chases the cat like Spike the bulldog chases Tom. Oh and my wife always seem to have a mop or a brush in her hand.

I’ve been waiting for the cat to hiss, spit or claw the poor pup’s nose in order to gain some control of the situation, but alas poor old cat just doesn’t react at all. I actually think he’s more clever than we give him credit for though as he’s starting to deliberately psych the dog out.

He knows when we are there we will intervene and prevent him becoming Labrador lunch, so has taken to strolling around like he’s parading down an esplanade in search of some floozy. He struts his stuff, pauses, changes direction, gives his ear a quick scratch and lets his tail float ever so close to the pups mouth while we are hanging on to its collar and its poor feet are whizzing round on the wood floor, cartoon style.

The cat then jumps up on the table and leaves its tail dangling so the pup is being teased relentlessly, while he just gives him a smug look. One day he may regret this however as the dog is rapidly growing and will be able to reach that height very soon. Even in the garden, I know he has started annoying the dog by sitting high up in one of the shrubs while the pup tries desperately to reach him.

I’m sure it would be like some Cats V Dogs war if it were possible for him to set up booby-traps. I can just imagine the cat staging trip wires with those nets that bundle you up, or some exploding bomb disguised as a sausage. Hang on, its not “Tom & Jerry” in my house – it’s more like “Itchy & Scratchy”.

This can only mean that I must be Homer. Likes Beer, check. Hair thinning, check. Wants to throttle children, check. Few pounds heavier than he used to be, check.

The evidence is overwhelming. Doh!

…..Slinks off to get beer from fridge.