The Demon Drink

I’m sure we all have cringe worthy embarrassing moments tucked away in a box, bolted down and buried under 3000 tonnes of rubble that we don’t ever wish to be reminded of. Usually, I’m guessing these may have happened when we were younger, lets say inexperienced and perhaps as a result of “encouragement” from so called friends or more likely heavily influenced by alcohol.

I was reminded of one of mine the other night, which involved me stripping off in my flat after inviting some friends round after the pub closed. I obviously would not have done this had I not been very drunk. To make matters worse I passed out sometime later and woke up in the morning with absolutely no recollection and unable to find any of my clothes.

I sat puzzling for a while, checked the washing machine, and checked the laundry basket. Nothing. When the others started to wake up, they were all laughing at me and said that I had stripped off on the way home and had been running up and down the street naked. Actually, I hadn’t and they had hidden my clothes for a laugh but they didn’t tell me until later that day. I decided it was probably time to start drinking less at that point. On the positive side, at least they didn’t shave my eyebrows, there was no tiger in the bathroom and I didn’t wake up with a lady of ill repute. Although there were a few other occasions where that may have happened.

Another one I really cringe at was when a group of us were out all day one Sunday and by early evening I was worse for wear. I went on to confess my undying lust for a friends sister in front of everyone, including her and it didn’t go down well at all. It was really one of that “oh no he didn’t” moments and I really wished I hadn’t with retrospect.

One thing that struck me as I got older was actually how many units of alcohol are in drinks. I didn’t think about this when I was young. I just drank without any thought to what I was consuming. It’s only now that I fully appreciate that drinking seven pints of lager, six bottles of lager and a half a dozen vodka’s is more than enough to floor an elephant, and not particularly wise either.

I also didn’t fully understand that drinking different things was like a cocktail of chemicals waiting to unhinge you. Hence the time I once drank lager along with wine chasers. Absolutely do not do this under any circumstances. I think it took me some time to crawl sideways home after that one. Don’t mix your drinks, that’s good advice.

Of course, different brands of the same drink can also range in potency. When I was first introduced to Stella Artois, I thought it was beautifully smooth and had about seven pints one night. I couldn’t get up the next day. I thought I’d been run over by a truck. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I learned that there are three units of alcohol in one pint of Stella.

Similarly, red wine is an accident waiting to happen if you have too much. When you are out having dinner it is very easy to consume several glasses of wine over an hour and a half and fail to realise you’ve just polished off close to nine units of alcohol – and the night is still young and full of further temptations to finish you off.

These days and in fact for the last twelve years or so, I drink far more responsibly than before. My “Withnail and I” days are most definitely over, however I still like a beer and particularly enjoy red wine….no longer at the same time of course.