First BBQ

Following some of the coldest, most miserable weather I can remember for May, the sun has finally hit the sky and we have had three great days. Well great for all of you who weren’t stuck in an office all week.

By the time I have travelled home and had supper, the sun has passed over the house next door and only a small sliver of sunshine is left across the bottom corner of my garden. Still quite pleasant though, and nice to sit out even if it’s only for twenty minutes or so.

However, last night I got home about 5.30pm and could smell the enticing whiff of smoky barbeques resonating from various back gardens. As I drifted into a hypnotic state drooling at the thought of grilled meat, it seemed like a good idea to go and fire up my own BBQ.

The cover had torn during the winter and when I removed what was left of it there was more dust, rusty bits and spider webs than I was expecting. The grill was slightly, ok more than slightly manky with the remains of the final cooking last year and the lava rock looked like it had degraded to dust.

No problem I thought, a quick brush down, soak of the grill, replacement briquettes and we are good to go.

Of course, being completely stupid, I’m still dressed in my finest work trousers with shirt and tie which of course became tarnished with grease, rust and black marks only seconds into my mission. Cue first batch of cursing.

I attempted to clean the grill, only to find out we had no brillo pads and so left to soak in very hot water while I shovelled out the old lava rock. A family of slugs had moved in to the bottom of the grill pan, and I must admit that even I was beginning to be put off the idea by now. I gloried on, removing dead and living creatures and went to the shed only to find there was no replacement lava rock. Curses.

OK, I thought, while the grill pan is soaking – I’ll nip to Asda, pick up some sausages, burgers, buns, lava rock and I’ll be back in a jiffy. Well despite the fact that the supermarket has had barbeque food in store since the 3^rd February (a bit ambitious for Scotland) there are only about three sausages left on the shelf and no kebabs or anything else worth having. Furthermore despite selling gas barbeques they have no lava rock. More cursing and a trip to Homebase now required. Time is moving on here and it’s close to 6.15pm and I’m now hungry and irritated.

I get to Homebase, there is one person on the till and I’m in a queue of five people who are all carrying out major decorating projects, complete re-landscaping of their gardens or requiring assistance with carrying their newly acquired patio sets. I get home at 6.40pm.

Wife hasn’t even washed the grill for me because she was doing something else far more important. Cue some harsh words, slight argument and she may have used the words ”you can stuff your burgers then”.

So by 7pm, I’m sitting in the garden (now in the shade) on my own eating frozen beef burgers with processed sliced cheese, and a few of the worst sausages I’d ever tasted wishing I just hadn’t bothered.

On the upside, it was tranquil, no-one was bothering me and I had a beer in my hand. Tonight I think I might just go straight for the beer.