Tuesday, 6 November 2012

The Third Degree

@ageingmatron - The intriguing writer and vicar’s wife has tagged me to take part in a Q&A session. As always, I am happy to oblige.

Where do you do most of your writing / blogging?

Well, to be honest I am writing this at work. Now I know I shouldn’t be, but in my defence the defective network drive is down...again. So technically it’s the ICT department’s fault that I have resorted to skiving. That, plus I’ve also already spent half the day on the internet. At least this way people think I’m busy knocking up the latest business strategy. I may even make a random pie chart on my other screen.

What books were your childhood favourite?
I recall reading all of Enid Blyton’s twenty odd famous five books and somehow wishing my council estate had fields, gypsy caravans and lashings of ginger beer instead of concrete, a vandalised swing park and diluting Ki-Ora.

The Lord of The Rings also provided a fantastic backdrop of escapism with almost the same level of hideous creatures and villains that roamed the estate.

Who is your favourite fictional character?
The name’sh Bond... Jamesh Bond. Anyone who has the magnetism to attract Honey, Pussy and other exotically named women, gets to drive an Aston Martin, drink Vodka Martini’s and travel the world while dressed in a nice suit really has it all.

Have you ever googled yourself and been surprised at what you’ve found?
Well because I write under a nom-de-plume, this doesn’t really apply. I could divulge my true identity, but then I’d probably have to kill you – or wrap you naked in a fur coat and exchange espionage tips if you are a female Russian counterpart.

What is your favourite time of day and why?
Without a shadow of a doubt it is 3pm (or 2.30pm if I can get away with it) on a Friday as I turn up the stereo and zoom out of the office car park. Still living for the weekend.

Who would play me in a movie of my life?
Tom Cruise...however I would insist he wore heels, not that I’m a transvestite but I want to ensure my 5ft 10” is not undermined in any way. Actually he might not be too happy at being directed by me to stand up straight, but he’d be on the short list.

One material possession I could not live without?
Tech is so indispensable these days, my smart phone is so important whether it’s to interact on social media or listen to my favourite tunes on the go. I’m not saying I couldn’t live without it. I could. In fact I would be happy leading a simple life, back to nature so to speak.....but there had better be a bloody good wi-fi signal.

Have you ever been naked in public?
Think I fessed up to being drunk and naked in an earlier blog post, only to be relieved I hadn’t actually been running up and down the street, like my “friends” had pretended for a few days afterwards.

What is your dream car?
This has changed as I’ve aged. It used to be a Ferrari. Then it was a Porsche. Then an Aston Martin. Due to the current economic downturn, it’s now anything that runs on chip fat, is cheap to insure and doesn’t have holes in the floor. So, I guess I’ll stick with my Mondeo until the recession is over, then I want a Buggatti Veyron.

What/Who/where was your first proper kiss?
Apart from snogging my own arm....go on admit it, you did the same. I actually started pretty early and remember full tongues and everything with a girl in Primary 7 after the school disco. In the words of the verve “She knew my feelings were jangled and frayed, she took me into a wind blown alley way, she showed me a world a boy should see, I’ll thank her till the day I die”

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