Friday, 24 February 2012

The Epic Meme

Ok, so this is another one of those “meme” things that are going around and like flu, no matter how hard you try to avoid it someone always sneezes on you and you end up catching it anyway.

So cheers to the Vicar's wife for sharing this one !

The original premise was to provide twelve facts about yourself, followed by answering twelve questions from the person who volunteered you to take part.

I’m also going to cheat and refer you to my previous blog post 7x7 which covers the first seven, and here are another five for good measure;-

8. I once thought I would be cool and dive off the top board at the local baths. You know the 10m one. What a walk of shame that was, climbing back down again in front of everyone.

9. My biggest faux pas was asking friends we met at a wedding when the baby was due – and she wasn’t pregnant.

10. My second biggest faux pas was when my girlfriend’s, rather large friend said she wanted a mini (the ones before BMW made them cool) and I asked if she was sure she would fit in a mini.

11. When I was 13 and three quarters, I really did start monitoring my penis growth on a chart like Adrian Mole did. Gave up after lack of progress.

12. Someone once put their false teeth in my pint and I was dared to drink it. Yes, I did, every drop. I must have been really drunk that night.

Ok, so now for the questions that need to be answered

If you could have an audience with any British monarch which would it be?
As a relatively staunch republican (with the exception of Kate Middleton and her sister’s bottom), I’m not really that into royalty. However, I share a birthday with Henry VIII, so I will choose him. I’m sure we would get on and must have an astral connection anyway. That might explain why I occasionally feel the urge to decapitate my wife. (Its ok, the feeling is mutual)

What is the most frightening thing that has ever happened to you?
In all honesty, apart from coming in to land in a plane during very windy weather, it would be the first time my daughter had a febrile convulsion. We didn’t know what was going on and really thought we were losing her when she had a fit at 18months. That was scary. However, once we understood what was happening we got used to having to apply rectal diazepam every time she fitted. We got some strange looks when she had one in a restaurant in Gran Canaria though. Kind of put a few people off their dinner.

If you appeared on Desert Island Disc what would your luxury be?
It would definitely have to be a nice comfortable sun lounger, one with a cushion. If I’m going to be stuck there, there’s no way I’m running up a tab of £4 a day to hire one.

What kind of museum or gallery exhibition would you cross a city to see?
I think the Egyptian stuff always has an air of intrigue about it, whether it’s the stories of curses, ancient aliens or their feats of construction. Either that or Boat-Shed-Boat, which is obviously art. Isn’t it ?

What would you choose as your last meal?
Gee, that’s one order where I wouldn’t mind waiting an extra hour for a table. I do have an interest in food, so it really depends whether you go for an exquisite Heston BloomingMental fine dining experience or something more mundane. I’d probably sit looking at the menu for fifteen minutes, hum and hah a bit and then opt for the cheeseburger because I couldn’t make up my mind.

If you became leader of a political party what would your slogan be?
Vote for Me and Beer is Free !

What piece of music makes your pulse race?
Another tough one. It’s definitely not Westlife though. I actually think it would have to be some rock thing with a guitar riff. Ah, but wait, I shamefully forgot the most rousing song of my nation “The Flower of Scotland”. That is really powerful, especially pre-Football or Rugby, gets me all into a frenzy, before the inevitable disappointment.

What human quality to do value most highly?
For me, it’s pure and simple honesty. I can’t stand those who choose to spend their lives conniving, backstabbing and lying for their own good. What goes round comes round – and its heading their way one of these days.

What is your greatest regret?
Regrets, I’ve had a few,
Most of my life,
Working on the highway.
I should, have jacked it sooner,
Cause I’m really not,
Much of a crooner.

Can you do a forward roll (if yes, photographic evidence is required)
Possibly, but given the lack of space and my benign paradoxical positional vertigo, health and safety dictates it is not safe to do so. I can pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time though.

What would you like your epitaph to be?

1970 to 2135
Who knew large amounts of wine and Pringles
was the secret elixir of youth?

What ingredients do you rate in a blog?
Wit, wisdom, satire and a touch of innuendo. Shit it’s actually Viz I should be reading.

Ok, twelve questions coming up.

This time one victim will be the person who made the remark "Cheesy Bum Cheeks" on twitter the other night. She knows who she is.

And another, The Brighton Dad has just had a baby, so may not have time for such an epic meme.

Who would you like to have dinner with ?
What’s your favourite City?
Jam Donuts or Chocolate Éclairs?
What’s your favourite kind of cheese?
What fictional character would you like to be?
Holiday By the Beach or Coach Trip ?
If you won a million pounds what would you do first ?
If you could turn back time, one thing you would change?
Cats or Dogs?
Do you have any phobias?
What was the last film you saw in the cinema?
What is your latest ambition?


  1. Beautifully done, especially the political slogan. You'd have my vote any day! Love from the Vicar's Wifexx

    1. You should see the rest of my manifesto ! ! !

  2. Will i forever now be known as cheesy bum cheeks ?
    Great post Mr Bottle ! Fancy sharing a bottle of red and having a viz night ? Oh and not only can i do a forward roll but can still perform high quality cartwheels having once been a county gymnast ! X

    1. Thanks, sounds like a quality night. As for the gymnastics, too many jokes, too little time ;-)